


Not Fade Away

by boltsy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 1950's, AU, Greaser, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-26 08:48:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boltsy/pseuds/boltsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Destiel AU, set in 1957. Castiel works as a bartender at The Roadhouse. Dean is a young boy with an infatuation. Never did he dream the older man would talk to him, let alone ask him out. Between Dean's abusive father and Cas' brash, flamboyant nature, they have to fight to keep their relationship under wraps. (Dean/Cas personality swap, age difference)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's So Easy

"Listen, kid. I know you like hangin' around here a lot, and it's not really my place to kick you out or nothin', but can you answer me a question real quick?"

Dean's eyes widened as he stuttered out a low "Sure." The older man walked closer, leaning in and placing his hand on the wall beside Dean's head. Dean couldn't even hold his stare, Those eyes were too intense. Too blue.

"You like me, kid?" Dean's head snapped up, and he swallowed once. How the hell did you answer that kind of question? It was 1956, for God's sakes. If he said yes, he faced a beating, and if he said no he might hurt the guy's feelings. Why'd he have to be so damn forward?

"You heard me, small fry. Do. You. Like me?" Dean tried to respond, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air. He blushed bright red and looked down at his shoes, nodding. He braced himself for a fist on his face, or maybe in his gut, but recieved neither.

Cas pulled the younger man's face up by his chin and looked at him, grinning as Dean's blush deepened. "Well that's good. I thought you might be out to kill me or somethin' if you didn't like me."

Dean smiled hesitantly. This couldn't possibly be happening. His luck was never that good. He tugged on his overalls, fiddling with the button, trying to think of something clever to say. Cas grinned at him, running a thumb over his chin before turning back to his station. "So when do you wanna go out, little guy? I get off at 4."

Something hitched itself in Dean's throat, and he couldn't reply. There were people everywhere, anyone could hear...but Cas didn't care. He could get his brains beat out when he got off at four, some big jock smash his head into the wall and calling him queer. Cas looked at him again, his too-blue eyes pushing through whatever shyness had lodged itself in Dean's mouth, and smiled. "How about dinner over at Petey's? My treat."

Dean beamed and nodded, turning to walk out. He had to restrain from skipping in glee as he left the old diner, still tugging on his old overall button.

"So, what, like you have a date or somethin'?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yes, Jo, like a date. Or at least I think that's what he meant. He was sorta quick about it."  
Jo grabbed his hands and squared herself in front of him, a hint of a squeal coming from the back of her throat. "Y'all are adorable! I bet he likes you a lot, Dean, I bet you he does."

"He barely even knows me, Jo. I just eat at his diner every day. He probably thinks I'm really weird." Dean wanted to believe that Castiel liked him, because that would let such a weight off his shoulders, but his annual good luck had alreaDY come and gone again, so this made no sense at all. "Plus, he's older, so y'know...he's more..experienced."

Jo scoffed, dropping Dean's hands. "Like you're not plenty experienced yourself, Dean. Remember Joey Wydell in junior year? You said he was nice."

"You know that's not what I mean. He's older, and stronger, and.." he drifted off, not-so-willingly letting his mind drift into the gutter. He WAS bigger, and stronger, and much more confident. God knows what that could mean for Dean. He ran a hand through his hair nervously, trying to turn his thoughts away from that. He'd worry about that when he got to it. IF he got to it.

"He's better than those guys, too, Jo. He really is." Dean smiled, feeling a blush creep up his face when he saw Jo's smirk.

"You cornball," she laughed, "Weren't you just saying how you barely know the guy? Go on the stupid date tonight, talk to him some. See what he's like. Then tell me about how swell he is." She laughed, patting his hands, and bounced off the bed. "Now go on, you goof, and get ready for your date."


	2. Maybe Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: For reference, Cas is 25 or so and Dean is 19

"Castiel?" a little voice came from behind him, and he turned. A warm drop of something fell into his stomach, and a smile spread across his face. Dean was all dressed up, hair done and everything. He looked scared, the poor kid.

"Cas, call me Cas. Come on, they're pretty packed." He walked Dean into the little place, pulling him through the crowd to get a table. Everybody was up and dancing. Dean looked around, eyeing all the tight-fitting dresses and leather. This wasn't his bag, not at all. He was a square and he knew it, but at this point all he could think of was the sweaty hand around his, tugging him between dancing couples. "Hey, Ed! Can I get a spot?"

Cas was so comfortable here, and now that Dean looked at him properly, he could see why. He'd never seen him without an apron, but he was a greaser if there ever was one. Dean would even bet he had a comb in his back pocket to keep that little curl perfect. He suppressed a chuckle but smiled all the same. Cas looked really good in his old leather jacket with the patches. Maybe Dean was falling for a bad boy.

Once Ed found them a clean table, they went to sit down and order drinks. "So Cassie," Ed asked, rustling his thick mustache as he smiled knowingly, glancing back and forth between the boys. "Who's your friend here?" Dean panicked, looking at Cas with worried eyes. The older man was not shy about his..ways, but no one knew about Dean. Or at least, he didn't think they did.

Cas laughed, hanging his head as the heat crept up his cheeks. "Don't you worry about that, old man. He's hep enough for me, so no pickin' on him, got it?"

"Whatever you say, Cassie. You know I don't ever say nothin' to nobody you bring in here. You pay me just fine, son. Now what do you want to eat?" At this, Cas looked at Dean, nodding at him to order first.

"Uhh..well I don't really know what you guys serve," he said nervously, wringing his hands in his lap. He smiled down at the table and just mumbled "Do you have pie?"

Cas snickered and said "You know what I want Eddie, and uh.." he paused and looked Dean up and down, smiling, "get my friend here a piece of that apple pie I saw when we came in."

"Two burgers, a fry, two cokes and a slice of pie, comin' up." Ed smiled and shook his head again as he walked away, pocketing his notes. Dean had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. The last "date" he'd had was with Jo when he was 9, and that was at home. This time, there was no Mom telling him what to say or Sam ruining everything. He was alone, with Cas, on a date, and Cas was smiling at him.

"W-what?" he muttered, looking away from the older man's eyes. They made him feel too happy, like he could explode at any moment, and he didn't know if he liked it.

"You're so cute, y'know. You have a real cute face." Cas leaned foward, arms on the table, tapping his fingers to some song on the speakers that Dean didn't know. "You're kinda pretty. Big pretty eyes, and those pretty lil lips." Cas' smile widened, and he sang a couple lines of what sounded like my baby doll, my baby doll.

Dean choked on his heart, which had hopped into his throat when Cas had grinned all crooked at him, and coughed a little before answering "I'm not a girl, you know. I'm not supposed to be pretty." He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to look ticked off. Cas just laughed.

"Aw come on, man, chill out. You know what I mean. You're real handsome, then, that better?" He laughed again and leaned back. "Here's your food, kid. Eat up." And just as he said it, a plate of warm apple pie with a huge scoop of ice cream on top lowered itself onto the table between them, distracting Dean completely. It was still warm, he could smell it, and the cinnamon made his taste buds tingle. He hadn't had fresh pie in the longest.

Cas dug into his burgers with fervor, smiling around his bites. It was endearing, really, to see this big bad wolf type guy chew his food like a big kid, swirling his fries in the ketchup like a paintbrush.

"Dean was finishing off his ice cream when Cas grabbed his free hand and whispered, "Come on, let's cut outta here, this is boring."

Dean, caught off guard, pulled his hand free and gestured to his plate. "I want to finish my food first, and maybe then you can take me home." He was really nervous and a bit scared. What if someone saw them? He could get hurt just for being seen with Cas. And he didn't want to imagine what his father would do to Cas if he found out. That would not be pretty.

Cas, looking a bit disappointed, sat back and asked, "Can we at least dance a little? I really dig the music they got playin' here. You know Buddy Holly?" Dean shook his head, and Cas laughed again, looking over to the dance floor. "Come on, lemme show you how we get down 'round here."

He pulled him out of the booth and over to the hardwood floor, where people were spinning around like they were born to do it. Dean was a little shocked and confused, seeing as he didn't even know what a Buddy Holly was, let alone what the hell they were listening to. It sounded kinda...funky.

"This one's called Oh Boy! It's one of my favorites!" Cas screamed over the music and hysteria behind them. He led Dean by the arms and started dancing. He moved his hips in a way Dean was almost sure they censored on TV, and Dean gasped audibly (although it was drowned out by the music) when he noticed a slight bulge to Castiel's too-tight jeans.

He pulled free of Cas' grip and spun around, looking for the exit. When he found the door, he burst out, sucking in the fresh air. This wasn't his style. Not his kind of place at all. He didn't belong at a joint like this. He was too clean for a place like this. He felt the first tear slide down his face just as he heard the door slam again behind him.

"Hey, kid, what's wrong? You feelin' sick, or somethin'?" Cas put a hand on his shoulder, and he jerked away, wiping the wetness from his cheeks.

"What do you want? You wanna dance some more? Well, I can't dance! I'm not...I don't fit in here, Castiel!" He was blushing like crazy, embarrassed at the way he was acting, the way Cas wanted him to act, the people standing around.

"I thought.." Cas started, walking to him slowly, "I thought you were kinda hep, y'know? You really send me, and-"

"What does hep even mean?! I know your deal, bud! I know you just want a little back-seat bingo and then you'll be on your way, but I don't play that game, buster!" Dean was screaming by this point, and he didn't even know what was fueling him. He didn't feel angry, but he sounded it. "So...forget about it! I'm not your little toy!"

Cas looked at him, his eyes shone with sadness. "I didn't...it wasn't like that. I really like you, kid. You're nice. Better than the other guys. But I guess I'm not good enough for you." He wiped his nose and looked around, like he was trying to collect himself. "Guess I'm not good enough." And with that, he turned on his heel, walking away quickly.

He left Dean standing there in the parking lot of a restaurant, with no money, no way home, and no idea what had just happened.


	3. Early in the Morning

"JEEZ, DEAN!" Jo shrieked, throwing her arms in the air. "Could you be more of a square?" Dean looked away from her, grinding his teeth. He shouldn't have told her. A slick blonde curl fell from her bandana into her eyes. She flicked it away impatiently, only for it to fall right back into place. "I bet he feels nice and clutched now, huh? How could you do that to him?"

"Would you calm down? You weren't there, Jo! It was a madhouse!"

"Dean, it was Petey's. I have been there before. It might be antville but I don't see why you ditched him!" She turned away, shaking her head. She was the only "hep" friend he had, if that's what hep meant. What with the leather pants and the tight blouses and all the makeup. Of course, Ellen never saw any of that. Jo only ever went full-grease when she left her mom's house. Her ma would kill her.

"Jo, I was scared, okay? There were a bunch of people I didn't know, I just..." He closed his eyes in frustration, trying to come up with the words. It was like a big bubble had exploded inside of him and he hadn't been able to breathe. He hadn't meant to be mean or anything, but it just flew out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Jo came over to him, a hard look on her face, and slapped her hands on his shoulders. "Dean Winchester, we gotta do somethin' about you." She gazed at him shrewdly, turning her head to the side a little. "Maybe grow out that cubey flat-top and get you some pigskin. You're too...pastel."

Dean looked down at his sweater vest and frowned. This was his comfort zone. His short hair and his clean nose and his little bow tie. This was wear he fit. "Look, Jo, I know you want the best for me, and maybe this guy is cool and all, but-"

"Dean, sweetie, you're all caught up in the implications. Don't think about it." She smiled at him, revealing that little overbite that always made him smile right back. "Now, buck up, waltz back down to my Ma's place, and talk to him. Apologize."

Dean paced back and forth in front of The Roadhouse for what seemed like hours. He wanted to get it over with, and he didn't wanna do it at all, and he looked so stupid, and Cas would never listen. Eventually, he smacked himself in the face, getting a couple odd looks from passerby, and pushed open the door before he could stop himself again.

Oh God, there he was. He looked so tame here, without the jacket and without the grease. This was the Cas he liked, with the soft cotton apron and the hairnet. This was safe. He walked up and sat on one of the shiny red stools, folding his hands into a pile of clammy awkwardness on the bar. He looked at his fingers, hoping that maybe Ash would come and take his order instead, but no dice.

"Hey there, kiddo. Feeling better? Or are you still all chopped up?"

Dean looked up through his lashes to see Cas leaning right into him, his face not a foot away. The jukebox was playing 'Heartbreak Hotel' and Dean couldn't stand it. It was too weird, all this passive-aggressive stuff. "I thought you might be a bit upset," Dean whispered, looking back down at his hands.

Cas scoffed, turning to check the burgers on the grill. "Why would I be upset? You're the one who went all loopy on me. I'm doin' juuust fine, kid." Dean stared at his back incredulously. He couldn't honestly be trying to say he was never in a dark mood after that disaster of a date. He was the one who stormed away, after all.

"Oh come on," Dean said, pulling his brows together. "Don't fake me on this, Castiel. I know you were a little torn up, and I didn't me-"

"Torn up? Pssh. Dean-o, bud, I'm fine. Maybe I expected we would jazz around a little bit and hang later, but it was no big thing." He smiled, and it didn't reach his eyes. Dean looked down at his hands again, which were now ice-cold. He could understand if Cas was trying to play big for his friends but there was no one here and he wished Cas would be real with him. There was no need to be all macho.

"Fine. Whatever. But I wanna try again, okay. I know this sounds corny, Castiel but-"

"Cas. How many times I gotta tell you?" Cas ran his hand unexpectedly across Dean's hair, chuckling. "And yeah, man, we can give it another go. Not Petey's, though, obviously. Maybe we could go up to the movies? Or hang here?"

Dean gazed up at Cas with eyes the size of plates. He was a bit shocked he'd agreed so quick, let alone that he was volunteering ideas. "Y-yeah. Uhm. Could we just have dinner here and then maybe go see The Killing? You like crime stuff?"

He smiled when Cas nodded, and tapped his fingers on the bartop. They were just kinda sitting there at this point, Cas relaxed against the back counter, Dean leaning towards him subconsciously. Trying to break the tension, Dean straightened up, grinning, and said, "Hey, you ever use that kinda grease for your hair? Or do you only use that smelly pomade stuff?" He pointed to the fries, and the boiling oil.

Cas laughed loudly, showing all his teeth and nearly doubling over. "Y'know, I never thought of that. If I ever run outta smudge, I know what to do now." He sighed heavy, smiling. "Well kid, it's only 10 now. So unless you wanna order something or make it a lunch date, I kinda have to kick you out. House rules."

"What happened to me 'chillin' around here'" Dean asked, imitating Cas' accent and failing. Cas laughed again.

"You know Ms. Harvelle don't like loiterers, and even though you're almost family...she don't even let Joey hang 'round here without eatin'"

Dean scrunched up his nose at the mention of Jo, especially with that nickname he knew she hated, and slid off the stool. "Fine then. See you at 6, okay?" And he felt a little streak of confidence run through him, so he added, "And don't forget your apron, Cassie."

He walked out of the diner with a smile on his face and something hot gathering in his stomach as he heard Cas laugh at his joke yet again.


	4. Rave On

"So, what, you don't want Dad to know?"

Dean pushed past Sam and ran a hand through his hair. "Of course I don't want Dad to know," he mumbled, "he'd pummel me. I told him I had a date but I said her name was Cassie." Sam smirked, rolling his eyes. Sam was completely fine with Dean being gay, but their Dad...not so much. When Dean had told him he was just 10. His dad had turned a nasty plum color and then proceeded to get...the belt. Dean still couldn't sit on anything too hard.

"So what do you want me to do, lie to him? Dean, you know I'm no good at keeping secrets."

"Which is why you'll be staying the hell away from Pops tonight, Sammy boy." He turned to face his younger brother, and smiled. "If you aren't near him, he can't third-degree you, and you won't have to lie. It's genius." Dean grinned wider, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Sam laughed, his hair rustling as he shook his head. He really needed a haircut.

"So, what time are you meeting him at The Roadhouse?" Sam asked, leaning against the door of Dean's room.

"Seven," sighed Dean, "And the movie starts at 8." He smiled again, lowering his eyes from Sam's face. He was going on a date, a real one. He knew it was going to be better this time, he could just feel it in his gut. He was still nervous, though. Cas was really open and a bit fast for him...who knows how far he'd want to go. And Dean sure as hell wasn't ready for that. Not yet. He'd only ever had make-out sessions behind the dugouts and once, with shiny-faced (now school scandal) Louis Harris, double handy's after lunch. Now that'd been a fun semester.

"Is Jo coming over again or is she leaving you to your own devices this time?" When Dean looked at Sam with shocked eyes, he chuckled. "Oh come on, Dean, you're my brother. You think I couldn't tell when you were getting all spruced up for Mr. Dandy?" Dean blushed and looked away while Sam cracked up.

"No, this time I think it'd be better if I just...acted like me." Dean squirmed a little, trying to seem comfortable. He'd never really had the problem of having to impress anyone. "You know, Dean the Fream."

"Aww, come on, man, you're not that bad." Dam walked over and sat next to him on his bed, clapping a hand on his knee. "I mean, you're a bit of a dork, but who isn't? I'll bet your little delinquent collects baseball cards or something, too." Dean smiled at that, beaming proudly as he thought of his own collection. But it slid off his face as he remembered the Cas at Petey's, the cool guy who danced too fast.

"What if he hates me?" Dean murmured, fiddling with his fingers.

"What's to hate?" Sam said, catching his eye. Dean gave a little smile. His brother was always there for him. Always had been, always would be. And he would be there for Sammy. Because God knows what kind of trouble that kid would get into later in life.

"So do you want just pie or would you like an actual meal this time around?" Dean looked up to see Cas smiling back down at him, and felt himself blush.

"Well, I hear you make a mean burger," he said, biting his lip as he held eye contact. This was like a contest, who would be more overwhelmed first. Cas chortled and turned back to the grill, throwing another meat pattie onto the sizzling surface.

"That I do, kid. Best in all of Lawrence, actually." Dean laughed and tucked his hands between his knees, mostly to stop himself chewing his nails, and looked around. He'd never really appreciated The Roadhouse before, even though he'd been there since he could walk. When he was younger, he didn't really care about the ambiance but when he turned 14 and a blue-eyed stranger started bussing tables, he found there wasn't much to look at anyways. There was dark wood everywhere, and lots of tables. It was bigger than he'd thought it was, the back reaching on for a while. The shiny stools at the bar were the only new-looking commodity, and even they had a bit of wear and tear on them.

"So, are we gonna talk about the weather or just sit and not talk? I recall that didn't work so well last time." Dean forced a laugh, and tried to think of a conversation topic.

"Why'd you move to Lawrence? I know you haven't lived here forever."

Cas leaned over the bar, sucking a breath through his teeth. Dean found himself staring at the older man's mouth as he thought of an answer, and had to shake his head to clear it when Cas started talking.

"Well, my parents...well, parent, I guess...He wasn't all that great. And I had too much adventure in my blood. I wanted to get out and do something with myself, but not like my brothers had. They'd moved on to big, ambitious stuff...I just wanted to see the world." Cas looked at Dean with a sad smile, and said, "So what about you, shortstack? What are you great life goals?"

Dean chuckled, looking away, trying to think of something. Whenever Cas talked it sorta clouded his brain, and made the connection from his head to his mouth go offline. "I guess...well, I mean, I don't wanna be a mechanic like my dad and uncle or anything, but I have no idea what I'd go for in college...maybe I could write?" He looked back to the bar and saw Cas smirking at him with raised eyebrows. He frowned. "What?"

"I dunno, I guess I expected Mr. Perfect to have a little more strive, y'know? Whatta ya do for money these days?"

"I work at the market with Chuck and Jo. My dad didn't want me working here because of Ash, he thinks he's funny in the head," he laughed, rubbing his hands on his jeans. He was starting to sweat at this whole interrogation process.

Cas turned back to the food, turning off the grill and shuffling everything onto plates. "So what," he started, walking out from behind the counter, "No big plans for the future? Maybe you be an accountant."

Dean shuddered at the thought, remembering his failing grades in math since grade school. "Don't think so."

"Well, you could always come with me."

Dean looked up as Cas placed his food in front of him, catching his eyes just before he turned around. There was no joking glint or beaming smile. Dean flushed and looked down at his food.

"Hehe..yeah, that would be fun, I guess. Seeing the world. Traveling. But it wouldn't be all that..."

"What?" Cas said playfully, sliding in across from Dean, stretching out in his half of the booth. "Safe? Steady? Stable? No, I don't guess it would be, kid. But I don't really like bein' all safe. It's boring." Cas laid his hands on the table, clasped, and leaned towards Dean. "Dont'cha think?"

Dean stuttered over his words, caught up in how Cas' lips were so dry-looking and yet soft and kissable. He could lean forward right now, and kiss him, and change everything, and turn everything upside down. But he didn't. Because he was Dean Winchester, and that just was not his style.

"That was AMAZING!" Dean sang as he skipped out of the cinema, his eyes wide with excitement. Cas followed, less exuberantly, and smiled indulgently. This was the first time he'd seen Dean so animated, and it was kinda cute. "Did you see the way he just pulled out that gun? And man, at the airport, I didn't know what was about to go down!" He laughed again and slowed down to match Cas' pace.

"It was a pretty swell movie, I'll say that." Cas smiled down at his date, and felt his heart melt as Dean looked up at him, a genuine spark of happiness in his green eyes. Cas reached down and took Dean's hand, and watched as the bubble of excitement popped to be replaced by something that looked like fear.

"I-I'm sorry, Cas, I don't.." he trailed off, pulling his hand free and tucking it away. Cas pursed his lips, nodding a little.

"It's okay, Dean, I get it. I mean, I know I'm not really 'boyfriend material' or whatever-"

"What? No! No, it's not that. It's just that," he dropped his voice to a whisper, leaning in, "if anyone saw us and told my old man, I'd be jerky by morning."

Cas' eyes widened a little, the disappointment fading away. "Oh, well..that's kinda crummy." He frowned a little, and Dean's expression softened.

"Cas, I really do like you, ya know. You're a cool guy, and all, I just don't wanna get my hide tanned for the next 5 years."

"Well, you're not a kid, Dean. I mean.." he struggled to find the right words, not wanting to offend the younger guy, "Couldn't you move out, or somethin'?"

Dean laughed, running a hand over his hair. "Nah, I have to look out for Sammy. My brother," he clarified when Cas looked confused. Cas nodded again, wanting to changed the subject. Before he could think of anything though, he felt Dean's fingers slip between his own. He looked up to see Dean staring back with wary eyes.

"There's nobody really around, anyways, right?"

Cas smiled, feeling a small blush creep up his cheeks. This was new. And he kinda liked it.


	5. What to Do

Cas took him out every night that week. They went to the park and over by the lake and even hung out in Cas' old shed, which he'd fashioned into a sort of clubhouse. Cas was funny and easy-going. And he projected that onto Dean. He was relaxed and calm with Cas. This was an easier life.

He hadn't seen his father since the morning after his first date with Castiel, in which he'd smacked him in the back of the head for forgetting to take out the trash. He'd gotten home and been so exhausted he'd gone straight to bed, leaving his chores for the next day. Obviously that wasn't flyin' with Dad.

"So wait," Cas had interrupted Dean, furrowing his brow. "He...he hits you? What for?" Dean shook his head and smiled a little, trying to play it off. He shouldn't have brought it up.

"Nah, Cas..it's...he's got anger problems, ya know? It's not like he leaves bruises." Cas pursed his lips and nodded, still looking troubled. "Look, Cas," Dean said, cupping the older man's jaw. "It's no big deal, alright? Really. Don't worry about it."

Cas relaxed his eyes and gave a little grin. He loved it when Dean touched him, no matter how small those touches were. Dean was really hesitant about any physical contact at all, let alone something this sentimental. "If you say so, kid." He reached up and twined his fingers through Dean's bringing the smaller hand to his mouth to kiss his palm. Dean blushed and pulled away, looking around for prying eyes.

"So what are we doin' tonight? Chillin' at your place again?"

Cas hopped up, jumping out of the bed of his truck where he and Dean were sitting. "Not this time, Dean-o! I thought we'd do something a little more adventurous tonight." He reached into the cab and came back with two slips of paper, colorful and stiff. "Hope you're up for a road trip. We oughtta be headin' out within the next coupl'a hours if we wanna get there on time."

He handed Dean one of the slips, and Dean stared at the words, not comprehending. "Where are we going?" he asked, looking up at Cas as he climbed back onto the hard metal. The older man shook his head, smirking.

"You have zero music taste, y'know that? It's a concert, doofus! Buddy Holly, over in Kansas City. Like I said, we need to get a move on if we wanna-"

"Cas, I can't just leave. We wouldn't be back til tomorrow. My dad would skin me." Castiel's face visibly sagged with disappointment, his eyes growing cold and sad.

"Oh...well I mean, I spent a lot of money on these..I guess I could take somebody else, if you don't wanna go.."

"Cas, c'mon, you know I do! I just...I can't."

Cas swallowed and looked down at his knees. He hadn't been able to really talk to Dean about his life much. It was always 'what was school like' or 'how long you known the Harvelles.' He wanted to know about his childhood, about his family, especially Sammy, who Dean seemed to cherish over everything in this world. But Dean was so quick to clam up when it came to his dad. And that made Cas nervous.

He scooted closer to Dean, sliding his hand under Dean's. Dean looked over at him bashfully, like always, and Cas smiled back sadly.

"It's okay. I can give 'em to Jo and Chuck. I know they like him, so they'll be real fired up." He smiled reassuringly at Dean, trying to make him feel better. He hated seeing him without a smile. "Maybe we can go back around the lake and look at the stars again. You can bring your telescope this time."

Dean's eyes suddenly had a little glint in them, that recognizable excitement that Cas loved, even if it was about something dorky like stars. He squeezed Dean's hand and then smiled wider, looking at his watch.

"We ought to go give these to Jo then, so they can head on out. And we can run by your place and get your stuff." He chuckled under his breath and grinned fondly as Dean jumped out of his truck bed, zooming to the passenger seat, eager to get on their way. He was starting to fall this kid. Great.

Dean laughed loudly, filling the cabin of the truck with it. Cas sped down the empty road a bit too fast, one hand on the wheel, the other entwined with Dean's in the middle of the bench seat. It was a half-hour drive out to where his grandparents used to live, and it was a silent ride most of the time. But tonight, Dean was in high spirits. He hadn't seen his dad in a couple days, Sammy was hanging out at a friend's house, and he was with Cas. He knew that Jo was happy and he knew that Chuck was on the date of his dreams right now, so basically, all was right with the world.

"So wait, they caught you with him? Like, doing it?" Cas laughed again, thrown off by the sexy little story Dean was telling him. It seemed so out of character for Dean, to be physical like that with anyone.

"Yeah!" the younger man guffawed, "Well, I wasn't really doing anything, but he was plenty busy." They broke into fits of laughter again, Dean blushing in a way that made him happy. He wasn't embarrassed as much as pleased that Cas found the story as funny as he did.

They pulled into the long dirt drive that led down to the lake, hitting bump after bump on the way down. When they parked, Dean hopped out quickly, already unloading his gear. "Y'know, it's almost my birthday!"he shouted over his shoulder. "I might be able to see my zodiac sign!" Cas laughed a shook his head, hanging back to watch his boyfriend set up. He could never be that enthusiastic about anything, except maybe music. But this was so different for both of them, being comfortable and feeling safe together. Dean was usually always being safe and double-checking to make sure no one was around. But tonight he just...seemed really carefree. It made Castiel happy.

"Come on, babe," Dean said, loping back over to the truck and grabbing Cas' hand. He dragged him over to the little patch of flat earth where he'd assembled his telescope and chair, and plopped down in it. Cas let go of his hand to let him adjust the focus and placed it on Dean's shoulder. He looked up, searching for any sign of special...anything.

"So, what are we lookin' for exactly?" he asked, blinking as he tried to take in the hundreds of stars he could see at once. How could anyone stand looking at this for hours on end? It was already giving him a headache.

"Well, anything, really, but I wanted to look at Venus tonight, specifically." He smiled up at Cas, his eyes crinkling up like they did when he was genuinely happy. "It's supposed to be extra-bright tonight." Cas looked back down at him, staring into the starlight reflected in his eyes, at his freckles that peppered his nose and cheeks, at his lush lips that surrounded perfect white teeth.

Without thinking, he rushed down and kissed him, running his hand up from his shoulder to the back of his neck.

"Mmph-" Dean pulled back, looking down as an intense blush came onto his face.

"I'm sorry, I..I didn't think, I didn't mean to-" But he was cut off as Dean kissed him hard on the mouth, effectively ending his train of thought. He lowered onto his knees to get a better angle, and Dean wound his fingers into Cas' messy dark hair.

Kissing Dean was like breathing fresh air, the kind you don't find anywhere but in the mountains. It felt natural and pure, like it was the only thing he was meant to do for the rest of his life. And that wouldn't be that bad at all.

But kissing Cas was oh so different. Dean felt a million things fly through him, from lust to agony. This was intense and fiery and amazing. He didn't think he could ever stop. And he didn't, not for a while. They ended up on the ground, lying side by side, using their arms as headrests, gently kissing every inch of each other's face.

Dean giggled when Cas kissed his nose, Cas moaned when Dean licked his neck. This was heaven if it did exist.

"Baby.." Cas whispered, gripping Dean to him, turning his head to look at him. "We gotta go home. It's almost curfew."

"Fuck curfew," murmured Dean, making Cas chortle.

"Come on, on your feet." He sat Dean up, laughing at his messy hair, and stood to help him up. When they climbed into the truck, Dean slid into the middle seat so he could lay his head on Castiel's shoulder, whispering "I love you's" and "You're perfect's".

When they pulled onto Dean's street, he scooched back to the passenger side. No need to risk it. Cas pulled up to the first house, letting him out a block or so short of his actual house for safety measures. He reached over and gripped Dean's hand tight, muttering "I love you, kid."

Dean beamed, and leaned quickly over to kiss him once before he hopped out of the truck, shutting the door and jogging to the sidewalk. Cas revved the engine again, turning around to head back to his own place. This night had been just about perfect, and it could only get better from here.

It wasn't obvious when Dean first opened the door, but about five seconds later, it sure as hell was; something was very wrong. John caught him roughly by the collar and threw him against the wall, pointing a fat, accusing finger at him.

"YOU DID THIS TO HIM!" he screamed, spit flying from his mouth and into Dean's face. Dean blinked, shaking his head, looking desperately around for Sam. He had to make sure Sam was okay. A hard smack across the cheek made him see spots, and he hissed at the pain. What the fuck was going on?

Suddenly his father was gone, stomping away to the living room, and Dean heard him shout "GET UP!"

He started forward, looking frantically around for the baseball bat, but it was upstairs. The next thing he knew, Sam was falling onto him, bloodied nose and tear-soaked face burying into his shoulder.

"YOU DID THIS TO HIM! TURNED HIM INTO A QUEER LITTLE FAGGOT, JUST LIKE YOU!"

Dean's eyes widened, and he looked down at Sam, who was shaking and crying in his arms. He looked back up at his dad and said shakily, "What are you talking about.."

"You know damn well, Dean! His little friend Gabriel. The kid's mom walked in on 'em! Don't try and play it off!"

Dean cast around, trying to come up with a sensible answer, and instead decided to focus on Sam when he couldn't think of one. "Sammy, go upstairs. Go to my room and lock the door."

John started forward, but Sam was already running up the steps as fast as he could. "Yeah, that's right, RUN, YA LITTLE FAG!"

He turned on Dean, but Dean stood up. He wasn't going to let his father hurt Sam. Not like he had hurt him. Not over this.

"You think you can go around turning people into cocksuckers like you, Dean? Well, it sure as hell a'int goin' on in this house. I don't let queers sleep under my roof, boy."

"So I've heard. And you won't have to any more, John. We're leaving."

John's eyes bulged and his face turned a weird magenta color. "Fine. Get the fuck out. NOW!"

Dean bolted up the stairs and banged on his door. He could hear his dad screaming "OUT! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!" downstairs, and he was trying to hurry.

"Sammy, it's me. Grab my duffel and shove some clothes in it. I got my wallet on me, come on." He heard Sam clunking around, the sound of the drawer slamming shut and then the lock clicked and the door opened and Dean groaned. Sam's lip was busted wide open and his eye was black. He had a thin flow of mucousy blood streaming from his nose, and his cheek harbored a couple of flowering bruises. He shook his head, pushing back tears, and grabbed his brother's arm. "Come on, Sam."

They ran downstairs and out the front door, rushing down the street, desperate to get as far away as they could from John Winchester.


	6. Listen to Me

"Jo, get the chicken off the stove before it burns," Ellen said, going to the door. She frowned as whoever was out there knocked again, fast and loud. "I'm comin', hold your horses!" She opened the door and gasped at what lay in front of her. Sam was leaning against the door frame to support himself and Dean was panting.

"Mrs. Harvelle...please...can we come in," he coughed, trying to catch his breath. Her eyes flew to Sam, surveying his injuries. He was pretty beat up. Her face turned sympathetic and then angry.

"I'm gonna kill that man," she muttered, reaching forward to grab Sam's elbow. She pulled him into the house gently, walking him to the living room with Dean following her. She sat Sam down on the couch and held his face up to the light to get a better look at his bruises. "Well you might need stitches up by your brow, but other than that, you just need some ice and a lotta rest, kiddo." She smiled sadly and walked quickly to the kitchen.

"Who's at the door, Ma?" Jo asked, shoveling chicken onto a couple plates.

"The boys. Get some ice and a cloth, Jo." When her daughter looked up confusedly, Ellen just pursed her lips and said "Lots of ice." Jo rushed over to the icebox with a dishtowel, scooping handfuls of ice into it, then tying it. She half-ran to the sitting room, calling Dean's name on the way. When she saw Sam leaning on Dean's shoulder, with his big brother stroking his hair, she just about burst into tears. She rushed over and Sat on Sam's other side, handing him the ice.

"Put that on your cheek, honey. It needs it the most." She wiped the tear off her cheek and turned away, trying not to upset the boys anymore.

"C'mere, Sam," Ellen said from the kitchen. "I got the thread."

Sam heaved a sigh and stood slowly, walking into the well-lit room to get patched up. He'd had plenty of injuries fixed up by Ellen, so he knew she knew what she was doing. The minute he was out of the room, Jo turned back to look at Dean, he hand over her mouth. She reached out with a shaking hand, running her slender fingers along the handprint on Dean's cheek. "Oh, Dean..."

He grabbed her wrist and brought it down to rest on the couch. He blinked back his tears and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Don't worry about me, Jo."

"Dean Winchester, if I'm not worried about you, Hell musta froze over. Now what the hell happened?" Dean looked down at their hands and breathed out He was trying to collect his thoughts, trying to figure out what had just gone down. It had all happened so fast.

"I think...I think Sam's queer. At least that's what Dad said." He looked up at Jo and was surprised at her expression. She didn't look shocked or even a little taken aback. She looked angry. REALLY angry.

"He beat up his son...because he's queer? What, he didn't get it out the first time?" She rolled her tongue over her teeth, standing up quickly. "Ma!" she shouted, walking swiftly into the kitchen. "You're not gonna believe this."

Ellen looked up from Sam's forehead to see Jo leaning against the wall, arms crossed and tapping her foot. She heaved a sigh, and said, "What is it Jo, i'm a bit busy at the moment."

"You know John did that, yeah? Did Sam tell you why yet?" Ellen frowned again, looking back at Sam, who closed his eyes. He obviously didn't want to tell her.

"It's fine, Jo, seriously. It's not like it hasn't happened before. Just not this bad. And I mean, I shoulda known, really, I shouldn't have-"

"Tell me, Sam." Ellen cut in, looking into his eyes when he opened them. He sighed and looked away.

"He..he caught me with a friend...doing something," he mumbled, his face turning red.

Ellen got a pinched expression on her face then, her eyes going stony and hard. "A friend? Was your friend a boy, Sam?" He swallowed once and looked over to Dean, who stood beside Jo, fumbling with his hands. He nodded subtly and Sam looked down to his own fingers, all knotted up in embarassment.

"Yes ma'am."

"Well you can be damn sure, Sam, that man won't ever touch you again. You hear me? He's ignorant and cruel and he had no right to do this, no matter what he told you. You understand?" Ellen was almost screaming with her anger, and she pulled Sam's chin up so he was looking at her. A tear fell off his chin as he nodded, smiling a little bit. "John's not gonna hear the end of it once I tell Bobby, I'll tell ya that. He won't stand for this bull."

"N-no, don't tell Uncle Bobby," said Dean, starting forward to sit by Sam. "They don't need to fight anymore than they already do."

Ellen looked at him for a minute, her gaze intense. Finally, she sighed and nodded. "Fine. But I want both of you to know that you're safe here. We don't care who you like, or anything. That's really none of our business."

Dean nodded and grabbed Sam's hand as Ellen went to finish the last few stitches in Sam's head. Sam looked at him through his swollen eyes, looking scared and worried. "Don't you worry, Sammy," Dean said, squeezing Sam's fingers, "You're okay here."

They slept in the sitting room that night, Sam on the couch and Dean on the floor. Jo stayed down there most of the night, talking to Dean as Sam snored. When she went upstairs, Dean lay down and forced himself to sleep before the tears came.

The next day, Dean woke up late to find Sam eating at the kitchen table and Jo getting ready for work. "I'll tell Chuck you're sick if you want," she called as she ran back and forth, grabbing parts of her uniform. Dean shook his head, standing up.

"Nah, that's okay, I'll be ready in a minute, we can walk up together." He walked to the bathroom to inspect his bruise, and saw what he'd feared. A large purple splotch across his right cheek, darker in the middle. He'd come up with something when Chuck asked. He grabbed the suitcase from where he'd dropped it by the door the night before and pulled out a button up and slacks, shaking as much wrinkle out as he could.

"Come on, before we're late!" shouted Jo as Dean buttoned the last button. He hustled out of the bathroom, smoothing his hair down as much as was possible after sleeping on that carpet, and headed out the door with her. "I mighta found you a ride, too," she breathed as they walked down the pathway. On the street sat Castiel's truck, and leaning against it with a very worried expression, was Dean's leather-clad boyfriend.

"Holy shit.." he murmured, running up to cup Dean's face. He ran a thumb gently over the swollen cheek, a soft sob escaping his throat. Dean blushed like he did whenever Cas touched him, and whispered "It's fine really," over and over. He looked over his shoulder to see Jo halfway down the street, walking towards the store.

Cas grabbed either side of his face and brought his eyes down to look into Dean's, and he whispered, "You're not going to work." He grabbed one of Dean's hands and tugged him to the truck, ignoring Dean's protests and his dragging feet.

"Cas, I have to go to-"

"No. Jo's covering you. You're spending today with me." Dean swallowed and nodded, climbing into the passenger seat. He wasn't ready to talk to Cas about this stuff yet. It was too soon to dump all his stupid baggage on this guy. He didn't deserve the burden. Cas jumped into his side and started the engine, roaring down the road. He was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel nervously and he kept stealing glance over at Dean with this extremely worried look on his face. Finally, the awkwardness broke him and Dean shouted, "Look, it's fine, Cas! I'm fine! Stop lookin' at me like I'm gonna explode any minute."

Cas bit his lip and pulled the car onto the side of the road, making the tires screech. He turned to Dean with tears in his eyes. "Look, Dean, I-Maybe you don't feel as strongly for me as I do for you, I dunno. But when Jo called me this morning and said you were hurt, I didn't even blink before I came your way." Dean tried to argue back but Cas cut him off. "No, listen! I love you. I do, I love you. And I know it's stupid and you probably think I'm stupid and this is all really dumb, but I just want you to know that I will do anything for you. Anything in the world."

Dean stared, dumbstruck, as Cas kept rambling, trying to prove himself. Dean choked on the lump in his throat and shook his head a little, trying to bring himself back to earth. Cas was still sitting there spouting stuff like "I'd take a bullet" and "If anyone hurts you, I swear to god".

"Cas," Dean muttered, reaching out to take his hand. He stopped talking at once, looking into Dean's eyes with a look in his eye like fear. Like he was scared of the younger man. "Cas, I know you might think I'm...something good, but I'm not. I don't deserve you, seriously. I...I love you too, I do but-"

"But what?" asked Cas, narrowing his eyes. "What, you think you're not good enough for me? Dean..Dean you're perfect for me..." He trailed off, tears gathering in his eyes again, making them look like glistening jewels, and Dean had to look away.

"Cas, I have...I'm damaged. I'm broken. I'm rotten. And I don't think you know that. I don't want you to know that, but you need to." He looked down, swallowing over and over, trying not to let the emotion spill out. He clenched his eyes shut to hold back the tears, and a broken sob fell from his lips when he felt Cas' fingers on his chin. He pulled Dean's face to his own, kissing him softly with those chapped lips.

"Dean.." he whispered, shaking his head. "Dean, you're not rotten. You may be broken, but it's not permanent. I'm damaged too. Maybe we fit together, like...like two pieces of one broken thing. Maybe we can fix each other."

Dean choked on the sobs that were tearing up through him, trying to bite back the pain in his chest. No one deserved Castiel. He was too good. Dean crawled into Cas' lap, wrapping his arms around the older man's neck and burying his face in his shoulder. He cried, letting all the pain from last night, and from the past decade, flow out of him. He screamed, and Cas rubbed his back and ran his fingers through his hair, crying with him.

What felt like hours later, Dean sat up, wiping his nose on the back of his hand, and he sighed. Cas looked at him and smiled a little. "It's gonna be okay, Dean. I promise." And for once in his life, Dean thought, maybe it will be okay. Maybe I can be happy now. Maybe I can be better.


	7. Crying, Waiting, Hoping

Dean and Cas sat in the truck for hours, talking about everything. Cas told Dean about Gabriel, and how he was the only real family he had left. He told that he smoked and drank, to which Dean wrinkled his nose, making Cas laugh. He even told him about Michael and Ralph, how they'd abandoned their little brothers to lie better lives.

"Well that doesn't seem fair. They knew about your Dad, right?" Dean inquired, a line forming between his eyebrows when he frowned deeply. Cas shook his head, looking out the windshield.

"They didn't care, Dean. Like father, like sons, I guess. But me and Gabe are trying to be different. It's hard.." he trailed off, reaching to grab Dean's hand again. Dean relaxed, smiling as he squeezed Cas' hand, rubbing his thumb over his boyfriend's knuckles. They sat like that for a while until Dean spotted the time on his watch and let out a noise of shock.

"It's 5 pm! I gotta get back Cas, or Ellen will worry about me for ages." Cas started the car and turned around, speeding down the dirt road before the speed limit mattered. On the ride home, Dean was antsy, wishing he could call Jo to let her know where he was. He hated when people worried about him. He knew the feeling too well and he hated it.

They pulled into the driveway, Cas turning the truck off to walk Dean to the door. He didn't kiss him, not out in the open, but he squeezed Dean's hand and smiled at him, trying to say a million things in one glance. He pulled open the door as Castiel trotted back down the sidewalk, and he heard a roar of laughter coming from the dining room.

Jo popped her head out to catch him hanging up his jacket. She had a scowl on her face, which didn't match the giggles coming from the room she was in. Dean walked to meet her and muttered "What's up?"

She stepped out and he had to stifle a laugh. She was wearing a yolk-yellow dress with white lace all over. And white shoes. And no makeup. What the hell? He smiled jokingly and looked up to see her chewing her tongue. "We have a guest," she said, her voice full of venom. Dean laughed and ambled into the dining room to find Ellen sitting across from Sam and a nameless boy, smiling widely.

"Oh Dean, I wish you'd wear something nicer, we have company!" Ellen chuckled, and Dean wrinkled his brow, confused. Since when did Ellen Harvelle give a damn what people thought of her? must be this kid.

"Who's this?" asked Dean, pulling up the chair at the end of the table and sitting down. He clasped his hands on the table, not blinking as he looked the boy up and down.

"Uh, Dean," Sam said, his cheeks turning red, "this is Gabe. My..boyfriend." Dean blinked a couple times, remembering Cas talking about his little brother, Gabriel.

"Gabriel...who?" he asked, trying to stay polite. He didn't want to scare the kid off.

"Novak. Yeah, I'm Cassie's brother. I've heard a lot about you, Dean." Dean blinked again, and it was his turn to blush. All eyes were on him now. Everyone was curious, except Gabriel. He seemed to be reveling in Dean's awkwardness.

"Cassie? Oh, that Castiel guy? I didn't know that was your brother," said Sam, smiling over at Gabriel in a way Dean had never seen him smile before. He grinned a little himself, looking down at his empty plate.

Yeah, Cas. He's coming to get me tomorrow, if you don't mind, Ellen." She chuckled and nodded, grabbing the spoon in the dish nearest her to dip more carrots onto her plate. Dean followed suit, scooping mashed potatoes out of the glass bowl. He smiled a little wider, imagining a whole day with Castiel, to do whatever they liked.

\--------------

The rest of dinner went smoothly, Gabriel cracking jokes and everyone laughing at them. Sam beaming with pride as he realized his family like the boyfriend. Ellen catching Sam around the collar as he tried to sneak upstairs with Gabe. It was nice to see everyone happy. Unusual and a bit weird, but nice overall. Dean slept peacefully that night, dreaming of a world where John didn't exist and he and Cas could go out in public without getting hurt. He was smiling when he awoke to the smell of eggs and sausage. As he dropped into his chair at the table, Ellen asked, "How do you take your eggs, Dean?"

"Scrambled, if you don't mind," he yawned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked over to Jo, who he hadn't seen in just her PJ's in years, and smiled groggily, to which she chuckled and shook her head.

"You've been a plain ol' Mr. Sunshine lately, Dean. What's up?" she asked, leaning on the table as she wiggled her eyebrows. She knew exactly why he was so happy-go-lucky, and he wasn't discussing it in front of Ellen. He shook his head very subtly and said thank you when Ellen placed his plate in front of him, stacked high with bacon and biscuits.

After breakfast he half-ran to the bathroom, grabbing his suitcase along the way. Cas was going to be here any minute and he was still in his underwear. Which he was sure Cas would like, but the rest of Lawrence might not. He pulled on a short-sleeved button up and a sweater, and his favorite khakis, freshly ironed. He even did his hair, slicking it back and combing it nicely. He had to wash his hands three times to get the pomade off though.

He went into the family room to sit and wait and found Jo reading. He sat beside her, beaming. She looked up briefly, laughed, and went back to her book.

He sat there, checking his watch every five seconds, for two hours. By that time, he was fighting back tears as Jo came up with one explanation after another.

"Maybe he had to work. Or maybe he ran out of gas, Dean. He didn't ditch you. He wouldn't."

Dean wiped the wetness from his eyes before it could fall and turned away from her. They sat there, her rubbing his shoulder consolingly and him trying not to cry, until a knock came at the door. Dean looked up hopefully, and Jo went to answer it, as he seemed to be frozen to the sofa.

He stared, wide-eyed, in the direction of the door, until he heard the voice coming from it. Wasn't Cas. He choked on the ball of anger that rose in his throat and smashed his eyes shut, holding back a sob.

"Dean!" Jo screamed, and his eyes shot open. He jumped up and ran to the door, to find Gabriel slumped against the doorframe, face bloodied and chest heaving.

"Castiel...Crowley..." he panted, coughing between words. "The warehouse.." Dean's face went stony, and he sprinted outside.

"Jo, get some ice and call the hospital if you can get through!" he screamed, hopping on his bike and rushing away, urgently pedaling to get to that damned warehouse.

He found his boyfriend unconscious, splayed out on the ground in a small pool of blood. His face was swollen and parts of his hair were dried in the blood on his face.

"Oh my god..oh my god..." Dean muttered, throwing his bike aside and kneeling beside Cas, trying to turn him over. He couldn't find anything to say, to rouse him. He was completely in shock. He just stared at his puffy cheeks, his purple temple, his blackened and crooked nose. Then he was screaming, for help, for his mom, for Jo, for anything.

Cas stirred feebly, barely able to open his eyes, and said through swollen lips, "Dean?"

Dean looked down, still sobbing, and whispered another "Oh my god..."

Footsteps came thundering in from the alley behind him, and Dean jumped to his feet, ready to fight. Jo and Ash came around the bend and stopped, looking into the dusky light provided by the one light in the small street. Ash ran forward, picking up Cas, trying to get him to stand, and finally just slumping his bruised body over his shoulder, trying to drag him as best he could.

"The car's around there, Dean, go open the door," he said, straining under Cas' weight. Dean nodded feverishly, running like he'd never run before, pulling open the back door and climbing in. Ash heaved Cas inside, and Dean pulled his head into his lap, softly stroking his hair. Thank god Jo knew a guy with a car. Thank god Gabriel had gotten away. Thank god...

He was frantic as they sped toward the hospital as fast as they could, but grateful, oh so grateful, that Cas was alive.

As the nurses loaded him onto a wooded gurney and mopped at his wounds, he saw Cas open his eyes and rushed forward, making sure he was okay. "Love you...love you.." he mumbled, a little blood dripping from the corner of his mouth as he slipped once again into unconsciousness and they hauled him away.


	8. Heartbeat

Cas got a room alone, without a bunch of other patients and curtains. Dean was very happy about that. He told the doctors he was his brother and sat beside him, waiting for his eyes to open. More than once, he dissolved into a sobbing mess on the sheets, thinking about all the alternatives to Cas lying here. What if he had died? What if Crowley had cut him so bad he couldn't survive it? Dean shuddered and pushed the thought away.

He ran his fingers through Cas' bangs again, marveling at the older man's perfect bone structure. He smiled tearfully, pressing his palm against Castiel's cheek, circling his thumb over his temple. Cas was really amazing. Dean had seen the stitches on Cas' chest and arms when the nurse came in to change his bandages and had to go out for a few minutes to keep himself from breaking down. There was a big slash from Cas' belly button to his collarbone, and a big thick curve of a cut right above his elbow. It was unbelievable Cas was alive.

Around 2 hours later, Cas moaned weakly, attempting to stir and wincing when he was met with a sharp pain throughout his entire torso. He blinked groggily, looking up to see Dean looking down at him with wide green eyes and tear stains on his cheeks. He closed his eyes, nestling back into the thick pillows supporting his back. Everything ached or stung, and he wasn't ready to get up yet. He remembered Crowley and his gang cornering him, pummeling him against a brick wall, and a very sharp knife digging into his abdomen and slicing. That had been when he'd passed out.

"Cas, honey..?" Dean said, almost whimpering. He clutched desperately at Cas' hand, shaking slightly. Castiel rolled his head over and opened his eyes a bit, peeking from beneath those long lashes. "You okay?" Dean asked, his voice wavering. Cas nodded slowly, his hand going slack as he faded into sleep yet again. Dean sighed, feeling tears well up in his eyes for the millionth time.

Dean visited Cas every day for the next 3 weeks, which is how long they kept him there. He got out 4 days before Dean's 20th birthday. He promised they'd celebrate, even if they couldn't go out. This made Dean's imagination go crazy, and his cheeks erupted in a blush, which Cas laughed at. They'd been together for a little bit over a month now, and Cas had never tried anything with Dean. Not physically, anyways. Which was very un-Cas. And very charming.

On his birthday, Dean woke up to find a special breakfast being made by Ellen, and a few gifts on the table. He smiled widely as he grabbed a small rectangular box, which Jo said was hers. He opened it and gaped at the contents, not really sure what to say. He pulled the black-handled switchblade out of its casing, raising his eyebrows. He looked at Jo, who looked back with eyes full of worry and meaning. He nodded subtly and put the knife back in the box before Sammy caught sight of it.

He opened the one from Sam to find a coupon for the Pie Bakery on South Aneister street. He beamed and thanked him as he put the slip of paper away in his wallet. He picked up the smallest gift, a tiny bag, and tugged out loads of colorful tissue paper before he found a pair of keys, with the word Impala engraved on the side. His jaw dropped, and his eyes grew to the size of plates. He looked up to where Ellen was standing with her arms crossed, leaning against the garage door. A shocked "ha!" huffed out of his throat, and he nearly tripped as he jumped up. He tore open the door and saw...the most beautiful car in existence. The one he'd been pining after for a year now. Black, gleaming, and all Dean's, there it sat. A shiny 1956 Chevy Impala.

"Baby.." he whispered, running forward to stroke the hood. He looked back to Ellen, who was standing in the doorway, and said, simply, "How?"

She chuckled, "Bobby got it for a deal from his old buddy Rufus. He fixed it up for you." Dean breathed another laugh, climbing into the driver's seat. He gripped the steering wheel, warming the leather with his palms, and closed his eyes.

"Hey Sam!" he shouted, "You wanna ride shotgun, bud?" A smile spread across Sam's face. He jumped the three steps to the garage floor and yanked the passenger seat door open, practically leaping into the car. He sat up and ran his fingers over the interior, grinning.

"Wow Dean, this is one hot car!" he laughed, shutting his door and leaning back. Dean nodded, putting the key into the ignition and twisting, sighing lovingly when she purred to life.

"I'm gonna take you up to Yorkie's and buy you lunch, but then I have plans, okay?" Dean asked as he backed out of the drive. Sam agreed and they moved on to other subjects, talking about Cas and Gabe and baseball. Sam was trying out for the team this year. Gabe was the water boy. When Sam asked what Dean was doing later, Dean spluttered out a quick 'none of your business' and brushed him off. Sam wasn't fooled though. When they got back home after a huge buffet lunch, Sam threw Dean a knowing glance and said, "Have fun tonight, big brother."

He pulled into Castiel's driveway and turned the car off, rubbing his hands on his knees. He was nervous. He really did love Cas, and even though he'd heard all sorts of things about sex, he wasn't unwilling. He knew Cas would be gentle with him. He knocked on the front door and Gabriel answered.

"Ah," he said shortly, moving aside so Dean could come in. "Cassie's upstairs and I'm leaving. Tell him I'm at your place, mkay?"

Dean nodded, looking around. As Gabe shut the door, leaving him in silence, he realized he was completely alone with Cas in a house for the first time ever. He made his way up the steps, trying to keep his breathing steady. No need to look like a baby virgin. He might not have gone all the way with a guy before, but he'd gone far enough. He saw a door slightly open and heard humming coming from inside. He pushed it ajar and saw Cas laying on his bed, shirt gone, eyes closed, humming some song he didn't know. The sight made his breath catch, but not for the reason he'd expected.

What had he been thinking? They couldn't have sex tonight. Cas was still healing. He shook his head slightly, trying not to be disappointed. He cleared his throat, and Cas' eyes opened slowly, in time with his smile. Dean walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. Neither of them said a word as her laid down next to Cas and cuddled in to him, kicking off his shoes. He heard Cas sigh contentedly, and did the same. He'd been really keen on maybe moving their relationship to the next level, but there was absolutely nothing wrong with this; with just being here with him.

"Happy birthday, darlin'" Cas whispered, bringing Dean's hand to his mouth and kissing his wrist. Dean chuckled breathlessly, slightly disgusted at how cute they were. Too romantic, and mushy. But he liked it.

They spent his birthday laying there, no music, rarely any words. This was different and comfortable and amazingly satisfying. When Dean saw the clock on Cas' wall, reading 3:25 am, he decided to leave, as much as he wanted to stay. He kissed the drowsy Castiel on the lips as gently as he could, laughing when Cas pulled him down by the collar to kiss him harder.

"Cas, baby, I have to go."

"You don't have to. You could stay here. you could stay with me," he slurred, grabbing Dean's waist. A bubble hitched in Dean's throat, and he felt a prickly warm sensation settle at the base of his spine. This had been exactly what he wanted. For Cas to touch him, to kiss him all over, to claim him as his own. And Cas wanted to. He breathed out a shaky breath, suppressing a moan.

"We can't, Cas. You're still healing and I.." But he never finished that sentence as Cas pulled him on to his lap, settling underneath him. Dean's breaths came in shallow gasps as he straddled his boyfriend, feeling his erection press into the underside of his leg. He closed his eyes and sat up straight, trying to keep his wits about him.

"You don't wait to?" Cas asked sleepily, running him thumb over Dean's clenched knuckles.

"No, I..I do, really I do. But I don't want to hurt you."

"Are you sure you don't want me to hurt you? Because I won't. Ever. I won't ever hurt you, Dean."

He bit his lip, and then leaned down to kiss Cas' neck. He heard a small gasp from the older man, and leaned back worriedly.

"Are you okay?" he asked, making sure he wasn't pressing against a wound. But the look on Castiel's face wasn't one of pain. His pupils were blown with lust and his lips were spread in a silent sigh of pleasure. Wordlessly, Dean leaned down again, softly suckling on a spot right below Cas' earlobe that made him gasp and moan. Soon Dean found that his own pants were getting a bit tight, and he wasn't sure where to go from here. He sat up to unbutton his pants but bigger hands were already there, wrestling with the buttons.

He chuckled once and leaned back, slowly grinding his cock against Cas' leg, reveling in the warmth. Cas yanked his briefs down roughly and he let out an embarrassingly loud moan. His hands were calloused and rough, but gentle and slow. It was achingly amazing how Cas could pull these feelings out of him with one soft twist of the wrist. It was surreal how, with one glide of the thumb, one squeeze of the fingers, he was putty in Castiel's hands.

"P..please, Cas..." Dean whimpered, "I need..."

"What is it, love? What do you want?" And wow, Castiel's voice was so sexy, all low and husky and full of implications and promises if only he could ask.

"Let me...please let me co-Ahh!" He interrupted himself, because Cas knew. He twisted his hand and touched Dean in ways he didn't know you could be touched, and forced sounds from him that belonged to animals. He growled and whined and cried Cas' name until finally, he released, covering the older man's hand with warm semen.

He sat there, leaning back on his hands, panting. He forced his eyes open to look down at Cas, and reached forward to push his hair out of his face. Cas smiled and followed Dean's hand with his cheek, kissing his palm.

"Now you can go, if you still want to." Dean breathed a laugh, closing his eyes as he rolled off, snuggling into Cas' side.

"Never."


End file.
